i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Will you blow on my dice?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
