Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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