Buhtt sex?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
