you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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