You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm bleeding and have questions
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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