imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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