you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
