I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
