I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize