just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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