party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
