I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
