Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
