I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
