forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
