Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
