I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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