I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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