Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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