Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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