is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
