At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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