You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
