Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please come you make the beer taste better
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
