I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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