Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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