the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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