You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
