They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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