You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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