You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
