So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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