my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
