Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
