Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
