Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
