I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".