Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.