We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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