I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
