thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
