Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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