Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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