bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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