I'm so fucking centered right now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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