At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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