apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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