I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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