I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
