So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
