I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
