She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
