At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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