I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm bleeding and have questions
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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