wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
