it hurts more in the daytime
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize