hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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