I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize