Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
