I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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