I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
