My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
