yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
