take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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