She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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