So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
