So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
