I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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