my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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