The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
