When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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