I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize