Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
