Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
