It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
