Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
