STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is Oprah even human
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
