Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
