i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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