how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
