im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
