yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
