just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boob is missing a layer of skin
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
