So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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